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I found the love of my life finally after twenty years of looking and then I lost her. I know there has never been a day since I met her that I have not thought of her. I have never had feelings like that for any woman before or since. If she were to call me up and ask me to forgive her today, I would do so. I have always heard that when you are in love, you just know it. I met her many years ago. I love this woman’s name, beauty, voice, laugh, smile, hair, the way she dresses, you name it. It is interesting how I went out with so many women previously, but the one I ended up loving I never even went out with on an official date.

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I took a look at her left hand one day, and did not see a ring. I knew it was a risky idea, because we worked together, but I could not help it, as I liked her too much. I wanted to impress her, so I went on a diet, started dressing better, shaving more often and growing my hair out. I started flirting with her to show her I was interested in her, by using constant eye contact, talking and self-confidence. She was taken aback right at first, as I could tell by the uncomfortable look on her face, but she soon started to flirt back. She was always dressed to impress, looking me in the eye, talking, running her fingers through her hair, playing with her necklace, having trouble sitting still, and always had a lot to talk about.

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I remember a time when I had just put up some jokes on my outside cubicle wall, and as I was walking away, down the hall, to leave for the day, I heard the woman in this story at my desk, laughing. We were on the first floor in the training room for a meeting one time, discussing a project with several other people. One person was trying to explain something to us multiple times, without much luck. At one point she looked over at me with this helpless look that drove me absolutely WILD. In the mornings when she came in she would walk by my desk and I would tell her, "Good morning", to which she responded back, "Good morning", and had this smile on her face that said, "I KNOW you like me." Every time this woman walked into the room my heart skipped a beat.

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I went to the company Christmas party at Pinstripes in December and got to talk to her, but not as much as I would have liked, since she was the hostess with the most-est. I was bowling and she approached me and asked if I was having a good time, running her fingers through her hair, as usual. I started to throw out ideas of ways we could get together as a group, so that way, if she followed through, then I would ask her if she wanted to do something with just me sometime. She had a dart board in her office, but no darts. So I went out to Dick's Sporting Goods one weekend and bought some. She told me thanks and then we played darts for a few minutes. She said we would have a dart contest, but she did not follow through.

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All she did was work, and she worked eighty hour weeks or something ridiculous like that. She emailed me one time at around 8pm on a Saturday evening, asking about the status of a project, when she could have been spending time with me. Another time I had to work late and I saw her come out of her office in her pajamas. As much as I enjoyed seeing her like that, it was sad at the same time. From August through January, however, the flirting continued, and things were still going my way, but that would not last much longer.

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We worked on New Year's Day for a project she needed finished. So the second idea I had was a get together at a restaurant after work to celebrate getting the project completed. I still remember how great she looked as she came up to the meeting room door and waved at me. If I remember correctly, it was snowing outside at the time, and this was near the end of January. She seemed really excited about the idea, as she was running her fingers through her hair non-stop in our meeting, and had a hard time sitting still. I thought, "Good, she is going to set it up this time," but she did not follow through again. I was frustrated. As intelligent as she is, when it comes to taking hints, she is clueless.

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She stopped coming by my desk shortly after this and avoided me all of February. Valentine's Day and her birthday came and went. I saw her go over to her employee's desk one day and just peek over his cubicle so she could talk to him, but not see me at my desk. I realized she was afraid of me, and it hurt. I did walk near her office one time during the month, and she was sitting at her desk, but the look on her face was one of disappointment. I went to the company awards ceremony at Kanza Hall, and it was one of the few times I got to see her that month. She looked stunning as usual.

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I found an anonymous post on the web, which was posted on myfitnesspal, plus she started wearing a fitness watch at the beginning of January. I could not read much of the post, only parts, but it sounded like our situation. The commenters made me angry, as they assumed I was playing with her just to be cruel. I was searching the web for answers because she would not come to my desk any longer, and I knew things were starting to fall apart. Finding this post was a miracle in and of itself, and even though I cannot prove she wrote it, it appeared to be our exact situation, and the date it was written told me it was her. The post even sounded like her way of speaking.

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At the end of February I asked her to come to my desk to talk about a new project. She acted really nervous and finally said, "I'm so glad you're HERE!" with more emotion than any woman has ever spoken to me. The way she said that and the look on her face broke my heart. I would never have done anything intentionally to hurt that woman. She started playing with her necklace, like she often did, and her eyes looked like she was hypnotized or having a nervous breakdown. It was as if she was silently saying, "You flirted with me for all these months and never asked me out, how could you be so cruel?" If she would have taken one of the two hints, I would have. I never got a chance to think of or try a third one.

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I made an attempt to talk to her in person one last time, at the beginning of March, if I remember correctly. She ignored my email all day, so I called her and she answered the phone. She tried hard to keep me away, but reluctantly agreed for me to stop by. She seemed really nervous and I could tell she did not want me in her office. I told her that she used to come by almost every day and that I had not seen her in weeks. I asked if she was avoiding me and she told me no, she had just been really busy. That was the last personal conversation I ever had with her.

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In desperation I sent her flowers and told her that I did not have to work there in order for us to have a relationship, if that is what was bothering her. Saying that was a huge mistake, as work was always priority number one with her. Plus I made the mistake that most men make, as I got mushy finally, which has a tendency to turn women off. When I received the message that my flowers were delivered, I saw her rush out of her office, looking at her phone. I imagine she went straight home to see what came to her door. She panicked because she did not want me to quit and she saw that I did have a sensitive side after all. She told me the next day that she was not interested via a text, and was rather cruel in her wording. And even though I did not believe her, and over the years, I have rejected a lot of women and I have been rejected by a lot of women...

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MY HEART BROKE IN TWO.
PART OF ME DIED THAT DAY.
I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED FROM THIS.

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We continued to work together like adults even though we were no longer talking to each other in person. She heard me say over speaker phone about two weeks later that I took a day off because I was not feeling well. And that was the truth. She became angry and decided to punish me because she thought I had a job interview and was going to leave. Within one hour of that phone call, I was told that I was no longer allowed to talk to her. For most of March and April she did not come anywhere near me. I did see her once, coming around the corner to see if I was still at my desk, and had not quit, and she looked extremely nervous.

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Then she started trying to get me to chase her again, which was extremely cruel on her part. I saw her at the end of the aisle, with her back towards me, playing with her hair, and there was no one in the aisle except for me. She was looking at her phone, or a mirror, to see if I noticed her. She hired someone shortly after, and she brought him over to introduce him to me. She had a funny look on her face while I was talking and was dressed like a school teacher. She went off to lunch immediately afterwards and came back dressed like she usually did, with her hair done and basically making my jaw drop to my desk.

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Another time she came to my coworker's desk, right next to me, and talked to him extensively. There was nothing she really needed to talk to him about. I ignored her as long as possible, but she just would not leave, so I eventually packed my things a few minutes early and left for the day. Then I saw her in the parking lot a few times and she looked at me like, "Aren't you going to do something?" Once again, nothing I can do. I also saw a look of displeasure on her face when she walked by my desk and saw that I started getting short haircuts.

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I received an award for "Employee of the Month", and maybe this was in May, but I honestly cannot remember. She was at the front of the room, but when I came up to get the award she backed away from me. I was later invited to a dinner at Jasper's Italian Restaurant after work to celebrate everyone who had received the award that year, but I declined, as I did not want to see her outside of work. I saw the photos of the next Christmas party, at Kanza Hall again, that I did NOT go to, and she was there by herself, when she should have been there with me. My belief is that she was afraid that if she came and talked to me, and told me she really did care about me, and simply wanted me to stay, that I would have tried to punish her, but that is not true.

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There was never any resolution to this mess. I have often wondered if, because of the cruel way she treated me, she thinks that I hate her and would never forgive her. There are many people in this world who do not forgive, so I can understand that. But I do forgive her and I still care about her. She just did not have the courage to come and talk to me, and my hands were tied, so there was nothing that I could do. It was the most painful experience I have ever gone through. If she would have come and talked to me, I would NEVER have put this information out on the web.

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After years of trying to put her out of my mind, and as I expressed my frustration to someone about how bad dating was going, something within me told me not to settle, and then all of the memories and feelings about this woman came back to me in an instant, and I typed all of this information down on that day. I have not been waiting for years for this woman to call me. I tried to forget about her a LONG time ago...she is always welcome to call me so we can BE TOGETHER and MAKE LOVE like there is no tomorrow. If I would have ended up with her like I had wanted, I would have asked her to marry me years ago. If ever there is a woman I would want to start my own business with, it is her. This situation can be UNDONE, but it is up to her. I believe that love only comes once in a lifetime, and the only woman I have ever loved, is THIS ONE.

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Anonymous Post

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posted on myfitnesspal.com
on January 29, 2017 at 7pm cst
by username incognito12345
found through boardreader.com

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“A coworker and I have been flirting for the past six months.”

“He ACTS like he likes me but then some days he completely ignores me.”

“He is about five years younger than me.”

“I have been single for most of my adult life.”

“We WORK together, and sometimes we have to work long hours at this company.”

“I feel like I am TORTURING myself.”

“There have been a lot of marriages that have occurred at this company, so dating coworkers is not a problem here.”

“I don’t really feel like there is anyone here at work that I can trust to talk to about this.”

“I have never experienced feelings like this before from just EYE CONTACT and TALKING.”

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My Favorite Quotes

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“The word ‘duplicate’ is becoming as notorious around here as the ‘n’ word.”

“Trying to find it is like looking for a needle in a haystack.”

“What do you mean you are working on a big project for the Accounting department?”

“You fixed the duplicate lead issue, that’s terrific, we should celebrate!”

“Oh, I did not realize you needed to leave early to go to church, I am not Catholic. We will talk tomorrow…”

“I remember being upset about that when I was a kid. Snuffy is REAL.”

“It is a card game my kids used to play. You had to get all of the pieces of Exodia. He is the forbidden one.”

“Ha ha, yeah, Exodia, I was talking to my family about that the other day and they thought that was funny.”

“I have been looking for you and saw you back at your desk so I thought I would come over before you were gone again. I feel like I’m stalking you, do you mind if I stalk you? Ha ha ha!”

“Oh, thank you so much for the darts, that was very thoughtful of you, we will have a dart game next week.”

“Thanks for the pizza, I have not had time to eat lunch today, I have been so busy...I can eat during our meeting.”

“That’s a great idea, we’ll have a little get together to celebrate getting this project done. We are totally going to do that!”

“I like your ‘Christmas Vacation’ coffee mug. Did you see the new one that was made for tv? I watched it with my kids.”

“I am going to the hair stylist now, but feel free to text me if you need anything. I will be gone for a while because it takes time to cut this mass of hair.”

“Well, I have to do this hosting thing right now, so I can’t bowl with you at the moment...are you having a good time?”

“I wrapped my kids’ Christmas presents in a hurry, so I won’t know until they open them if I have labeled them correctly.”

“I have very tough skin.”

“I can’t log in, could you reset my password? I imagine it’s because I’ve been fired and I haven’t been told yet.”

“You have to stop putting these little ideas in my ear. Ha ha ha!”

“Please don’t applaud until after I finish reading all of the names.”

“I am so glad you’re HERE!”

“I haven’t been avoiding you, it’s just been really crazy around here lately, we’re all a little crazy. Ha ha ha!”

"I am VERY confused...I don't want to have any relationship with you other than a professional one. Now I don't want to be harsh, but I feel I need to be EXPLICIT. Please do not text my cell phone unless it is work-related."

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